i wish i could tell you i was okay
and that the words slide off my back
that this feeling doesn't
blind me
choke me
cutting air and light from my life
i wish i was somehow
as strong as i pretend to be
as though if I closed
my eyes and fists tight enough
i'd be indestructible
i wish i could make conversation
and be that
funny girl
smart girl
artsy girl
honestly any girl
but also not stand out
and feel the gazes and looks
that rake my skin
in my head it sounds like
a nail scratching glass
it's a confused space
to feel people talking around you
and convincing yourself they think
you aren't smart, or funny, or interesting
they probably don't even like you
and in the next second
convince yourself that your insignificance
is now so monumental
it casts shadows across the floor
and the darkness covers you
but only you of course